When a grandparent or beloved older relative is living with Alzheimer’s disease or another form of dementia, maintaining meaningful connections across generations becomes both more complex and more essential. Children and teenagers can often feel confused, scared, or unsure of how to interact with someone whose behavior and memory have changed. This uncertainty can lead to withdrawal, at a time when continued connection is not only possible, but deeply meaningful.
With age-appropriate preparation and a flexible, person-centered approach, intergenerational relationships can develop in new ways. As cognitive abilities shift, emotional awareness often remains strong. In fact, children and older adults often connect beautifully—through presence, play, and simple joy.
Understanding What Children Need to Know
Before a visit, take time to prepare children based on their age and the stage of your loved one’s condition:
- For younger children (4-8): Use simple, reassuring explanations like “Grandma’s brain works differently now, so she might forget things you’ve told her or get confused. This isn’t her fault, and it doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you.”
- For older children and teens: Provide more detail information about how dementia affects memory, emotions, and behavior. Explain that their grandparent hasn’t changed who they are inside, even if they seem different, for example, “Dementia is a brain condition that makes it harder to remember, speak clearly, or follow conversations. But Grandpa is still himself in many ways—and he still loves being with you.”.
- For all ages: Emphasize that dementia is a medical condition, not something the person chose or can control. Reassure them that dementia isn’t contagious, a common worry among younger children. Focus on what they can do to bring joy—just by being present, gentle, and curious.
Practical Tips for Meaningful Visits
Set appropriate expectations. Before the visit, let children know what to expect: “Grandpa might call you by the wrong name, but he still loves having you around.” Setting realistic expectations helps prevent disappointment or confusion.
Keep visits shorter and structured. Plan for 30–45 minutes of quality time. Too much stimulation or unpredictability can feel overwhelming for everyone.
Focus on sensory-rich, in-the-moment activities. These don’t rely on memory, but instead invite connection through shared experience:
- Creating simple art projects
- Listening to music from your loved one’s youth
- Preparing a recipe together
- Looking through photos (focus on the feelings, not facts)
- Walking outdoors or dancing gently to familiar songs
Model positive interaction. Taketake their cues from adults. Speak clearly and warmly, offer affection as appropriate, and show patience without rushing or correcting. By honoring your loved one’s dignity, you teach children to do the same.
Create a comfort object or activity box. Invite children to help prepare a box of familiar and comforting items—photos, fabric swatches, favorite objects, or sensory items (like a lavender sachet or soft scarf). This gives them a shared “starting point” for visits and offers structure when needed.
Supporting Children’s Emotional Needs
Validate their feelings. After visits, create space for children to express how they felt. Ask open-ended questions like, “What was the best part of seeing Grandma today?” or “Was anything confusing or upsetting for you?”
Address grief and changes. Acknowledge that it’s normal to miss how things used to be. Statements like “I miss when Grandpa could remember all our names, too” help normalize these feelings while showing it’s possible to still value the relationship.
Highlight what remains. Help children recognize abilities and personality traits that endure: “Grandma still has her wonderful laugh” or “Grandpa still loves listening to baseball games with you.”
Empower through education. For older children and teens, provide age-appropriate books or resources about dementia. Knowledge can reduce fear and build empathy. Some excellent resources include “Wilfrid Gordon McDonald Partridge” by Mem Fox (for younger children) and “The Memory Box” by Mary Bahr (for school-aged children).
When to Seek Extra Support
If you notice:
- Persistent sadness or anxiety
- Withdrawal from friends or favorite activities
- Trouble sleeping or acting out that is not typical
- Changes in school performance
…it may be helpful to connect your child with a counselor, therapist, or school psychologist to process the experience.
The Gift of Intergenerational Connection
Despite the challenges, maintaining relationships between children and grandparents with dementia offers profound benefits. These connections teach children empathy, presence, patience, and flexibility. They learn that relationships can evolve and remain meaningful even when circumstances change.
For the person living with dementia, interactions with children often bring moments of pure joy and engagement that adult interactions sometimes miss. Children’s natural expressiveness, energy, and tendency to live in the moment align beautifully with the needs of someone experiencing memory loss.
By thoughtfully supporting these relationships, you’re giving both generations an invaluable gift—the opportunity to continue sharing love and making memories together, even as dementia changes how those memories are stored and expressed.
At TheKey, our care team understands the importance of supporting family connections through every stage of cognitive change. Our caregivers are trained in person-centered dementia care and can help facilitate meaningful interactions between all family members. For more information on how we can support your family’s journey, contact us today.
